Down

I feel like I'm drowning in a pit of shit.

Chants of "ifs" keep replaying in my mind.

If only I didn't drive the car and have let mom driven it. I had this tugging not to drive. I wasn't confident. But I went ahead.

To prove myself wrong and to build my own self-absorbed confidence.

I should have listened to my sixth sense.

Then the car would not have been knocked by that damn irresponsible cowardly bitch who ran off after I honked her for about 10 seconds.

I should have driven the car forward. Or maybe, I shouldn't have reversed it in the first place just because my mom said I should.

A feeling of morose regret keeps tugging, plucking the discordant cord of my soul.

I am gravely disturbed.

What if we can't find that damned girl? What if the car number plate which I saw was wrong?? I didn't quite manage to catch the 2nd digit. It fell on the blindspot.

Why am I so damn darn incompetent?

I tried so hard to shake off this feeling of regret. I tried to divert my attention. I tried to laugh it off. I tried to cover it up with anger and being obsessively authoritative when I made my complain to the respective college that she is studying in; demanding that they help me find her.

It's still there.

That damned, hovering shadow of the emotion which burns through your soul with unseen, unforgiving fiery eyes.

As long as that damage is still on the car, as long as I have not found that bitch, as long as I have not repaired the car, I don't know if I can bring myself out of this pit.

Joseph fell into the pit only to be molded into something greater.

Will this experience of mine be the same?

Burst of Duets

What's with sudden bursts of duets?

First we've got Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat with Lucky

And after that we've got James Morrison and Nelly Furtardo with Broken Strings.

Now, I found out there's Jon McLaughlin and Beyonce with Smack/Smash Into You.

The best part??

They all sound almost the same.

Isn't life "wonderfully colourful and diverse"?

Marathon Nap

I can't believe I slept from 6.30 pm right until 12 am.

It must be the squid.

First, I went super crazy.

And then I got tired on the way home because all the energy was used up.

When I got home, well mom, as usual dragged me all over the place.

After all the dragging, I just went to sleep.

About the weekend, well, I can't quite remember.

Except the fact that I keep going to KL.

Life is Fun now!!!

Let me know if there's any outing going on.

Like Karaoking. Lol!!

It's The Last Day!!!

Yay!!!!!

But it doesn't help that I suck in pool now. Just because I stopped playing for a year. Everything was wrong. My hands were sticky, I didn't use my elbow properly, I was too tall from the heels ["Debble, you need to bend lower... lower... Ok, it sounds WRONG... so I did not.]

Anyway, I realised that I'm quite emotionless these days.

What is the point of having emotions when you can laugh all day??

Yup. New Motto.

Yes, last day, I get to play more squash!!!

I'm better at squash compared to tennis. That's because I'm too effing blur for tennis still.

Need to  be more alert.

I realised something.

I never realised how fucking dodgy I was last time until I finally took a look at my facebook pictures.

Gosh.

I need to do something.

Minus Paris Hilton's virus, thank you.

I Got Caught

I woke up in the middle of the night only to find the lights in the hall were turned on.

Usually, all the lights are turned off except for the garage light.

So I decided to go out and take a look. Even the door to the dining room is opened!!

Oh well, must be the nocturnal mother/early bird father doing some stuff in the kitchen.

I wanted to go back to sleep really badly.

"DEBBLE!!!!! Is that you? Are you awake?"

I was forced to open the room door again. "Yea?"

"Wanna play tennis??"

I was trying so hard to avoid the topic of playing tennis; I have to wake up at 6 freaking a.m.!!!

"Me?? Tennis??" HAHAHA.

"I'm giving you no choice, you're coming to play with us. Wake your sister up now."

I happily went back to sleep. It's 6 freaking a.m. anyway. And it's a Sunday!!

Unfortunately, at 6.30 am, the dad's booming voice was at the door which woke my sister up and he ordained that I go too. And my sister slapped me on the arm; forcing me to go brush my teeth first. Gah. Why is it always me first? Just because she is freaking working doesn't mean that I'm not tired too. It's so much more tiring to study than to work!!

If I had not been such a nosey snooper, I wouldn't have been caught, I wouldn't have to go to play tennis and get tortured and torn away from my plushy bed.

And so we played. And I played quite well!! =D After not touching the racquet for like 5 years?? Yeah. But they were mostly parabolas since I usually don't do a full swing. [When I was a beginner, I had a history of hitting the ball over the fence and into the palace grounds when I did those horrible parabola full swings. The bad habit somehow stayed on.]

The highlight of the game was listening/watching those group of old people doing tai chee nearby. IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! They were doing slow motion tai chee to..... well, emo ballads. Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand. Not bad. Because I witnessed them fighting once because they complained that they cannot stand their boring instructor with their lame yi yi er er whatever shit chant that they usually do.

To my amazement, out of the blue, Flo Rida's Low started playing. And they actually 'danced' to it!!! HAH! It was hilarious crazy. They were like robotic cartoons dancing to the tunes with their lame almost-aerobic steps.

[I have a grudge against them because I used to hate their stupid yi yi er tape recording when I used to play tennis last time. I hear it every freaking morning and it is usually blaring in my ears!]

That was the game. After that, we went to church... and... I loved the singing, because I get to really strain my vocal cords!! But... I slept off during sermon.

"Debble, you were sound asleep as a bunny."

It was that bad. I really slept off for about 45 minutes. I usually still listen to the speaker but it's the usual, "in one ear and out the next" mode. But I'm still aware of what is being spoken. But I really slept off that morning. [To my amazement, the mother was happily laughing away and started teasing me for being lazy; sleeping in church just because I, for the first time actually went to play tennis in the morning.]

Oh well.

But that evening, was awesome. We went to this tennis shop in DU and it was brilliant!!! We bought a new pro racquet and re-stringed the other two. And the mom bought a squash racquet. Well, in some meagre effort to lose weight after the food binge spree that we had for the past few days [just because it was her birthday week].

I think I'm hooked to tennis now. But I'll probably steal the mommy's racquet to try out squash too!

Cheers.

Saluté Hamlet

And so, I have just relived the fashion of Hamlet's hair.

It is a Hamlet comeback.

You see, ever since I came back, I was haunted by this girl's awesome awesome barbie doll fringe which made her look so uber cool.

So, when I had to cut my fringe as ordained or face a fate far worse than a short fringe, I decided to cut that same barbie fringe.

Also, the fact that it looks almost like a Camden goth's hair makes it even more appealing.

But, I didn't realise one thing. My fringe was, even before cutting it, too short to make it work.

And now, I present to you, Miss Hamlet who did not intend to be in the league of LaLas at all but is forced to pin her fringe up or look worse.

Lucky for me, there is no time to fuss over my stupid fringe.

Because, I have so much of work to do!!! And they are all for next week!!!!!

1. Contract Non-Assessed Assignment to be handed in on Monday.
2. Contract presentation on Restitution. Possibly on Wednesday or Thursday. Who knows, maybe it's on Tuesday.
3. Contract tutorials.
4. Criminal Law tutorials to prepare for
5. GPL presentation to prepare for.
6. Tort tutorial to prepare for.
7. On the same day, I have my moot.
8. Not forgetting, legal skills work; legal letter to be handed in.

Can someone save me before I go crazy like Hamlet?

Weirdalogy

Somehow, for some weird reason, I have been really frustrated all week.

And the problem is, I don't quite know why.

But I do apologise for being so critical these days and being all whiney. I'm constantly grumbling or criticising something.

It's the frustration/stress talking.

I have so much to do and work is piling up. It's not like time is elongating itself.

I need to learn to be a better time manager.

And people are noticing that I'm slacking these days.

Sometimes, I wish that my mom can stop dragging me all over the place.

That's about it for now.

A Tale of Unrepentant-ness

I am unrepentant for what I am.
For what I write and what I do.
I am unrepentant
When I know that I have done my best.

Valentine's Day for me is about a day spent to appreciate yourself.

Because if you don't, no one will.

You will have to first love yourself in order to know how to love your neighbours.

Well, you don't have to love ALL your neighbours, but you don't have to live in animosity.

Did I tell you that I spent V Day trying to contain an unrepentant tornado in my stomach? And that I spent the whole day sleeping alone at home while the parents drive the sister to work? [and, they went shopping too. Without me!!!]

Not to forget I only ate plain porridge [as in water and rice and nothing else] for the whole day.

The fever eventually went down but the splitting headache is this irritating leech which just won't stop torturing me.

It is not funny when you have to wake up early the next day for an appointment at 10 am but it takes about an hour to reach that destination. And with the need to have breakfast first, you basically have to get up at 8 am.

In my world, morning means 11 am. Because sleeping time for me is 3 am [No, I do not go clubbing in case you are filling in the blanks with the wrong activities. I study. Besides that, I will have to feed my parents with two large sleeping pills before I can actually slip out to club. Which is not quite happening in a million light years. Because the mother is a light sleeper and the dah-dee is just too difficult to fool.]

By the time I got home, it was late evening.

We had to host this hospitality thingy where we meet up with people who come back from overseas and what-nots.

It was quite nice since I get to regroup with my childhood friends.

The sister said that there was this lady in stunning red dress who was staring at me with a quiver full of hatred in her eyes because her husband was checking the both of us out and I really dressed up for the occassion.

I don't live to please the world.

And I'm unrepentant on that.

These two weeks has just been crazily stressful. I usually don't have a habit of shaking my leg but I do it quite frequently now to ease off the stress.

I don't wanna talk about today.

So I shall just stop talking here because my eyes are about to pop out. Only slept at 3.30 am while preparing for tutorials.

I thought 4 subjects are quite manageable, I am wrong.

There is just so much to do.

Mixtures aren't Always Bad

Yesterday, while a dear friend was driving me home at about 8 pm, we came to one conclusion.

I am what I am for what I am. I am not what I am because of influences. I live for what I am.

I'm not afraid to speak my mind and be what I am.

Nothing is going to stop me.

Not even when the entire society is against me.

Yesterday was awesome. Met up with high school friends before one of them flies back to Kiwiland to study.

It was amazing. It's amazing how much we've all changed and at the same time, still did not change.

For one thing, we all did look splendidly awesome. And YL's 2 friends just made our day rather interesting and great.

It's fun mixing with people from different backgrounds. When you put all of them together and you start bitching about LaLa people, it's just bloody fun.

We all have one common understanding - LaLas have weird hairs, tries to dress "cutely", are overdressed and they all walk in Times Square.

We went to Italiannies to eat and gosh, the serving was mighty huge. I couldn't finish it at all.

I was half nagging at myself for having to say goodbye to my almost-flat tummy for eating that Linguine Vongole. (Ok, they are clams.) [But, hey, I still woke up with my flat tummy. Let's hope it does not add on. Damage control commences right now.]

The fact that it is almost dinner time made me cringe at the thought of having to down some more food, especially my mom's cooking which is usually not quite appetizing, and especially not after swallowing 2 person's share of pasta.

Rome Cocktail was quite ok though. It wasn't great. We need more great cocktails in Malaysia!!!

The best surprise? We weren't allowed to pay a single cent. The guys took care of everything. Now, this is what I call chivalry. And he even paid the waiter extra extra extra tips.

I'm not trying to complain about my guy friends who don't do so. I understand why they do not pay for everything, because, hey, we all receive the limited "allowances" which are usually very limited. It's just that it is very rare to come by guys like this. Not that I'm gonna take advantage, it's just nice to have your entire meal to be paid for once [and not having to be independent all the time]

I can't elaborate more. I wish I could but there is just so many things to say and too many places to start.

I'm glad that the piece of us from high school is still in us.

Friends Forever my pals.

Lost in Translation

I forgot to say that when I was at Subang Parade, being desperate to draw out cash from the ATM machines, I actually have to fake a British accent to walk up to this group of cashier girls to ask them where can I withdraw money so that I won't look like an idiotic citizen who doesn't know the locality.

But, I was lost in translation. They gave me the wrong information. All the accent for nothing.

Anyway, the sister asked if I wanna help her do translation over the weekends because she has an exam coming up and she has a lot of work to do as well.

And so, I happily obliged. Because there's the motivation of m$$lahs. [I decided to replace the oo for $$s (it's moolahs)... Why have a hole?? Fill it with money!!! Yeah!!!]

But what I didn't know is that my Malay is completely rotten after not writing in it for 3 years.

I had hell of a time searching the dictionary just to translate that 18 pages with 36 main paragraphs and another 20 something more sub paragraphs.

Only to get scolding.

"Debble. You do not do direct translation!!! You must have an appreciation for proper Malay phrase structure!!!"

"You had better not do any attachments this year!!! Wait for next year when your Malay has improved!!"

"Did God, by His Grace give you an A1 for SPM?? Your Malay is horrible!!"

But hey! I did most of the donkey work and all you have to do is to re-edit my "horrible" phrases.

I, on the other hand still think that my translation was a pretty damn impressive work. [It took me 1 1/2 days to complete it though]

But towards the glee of completing the translation, the electricity in my house tripped.

Pissed off, I carried on doing my work relying on the battery and the reliable flashlight from my phone to read the English document.

Only to find out that the main switchboard in my house got burnt. Which means, NO ELECTRICITY UNTIL THE SWITCHBOARD IS REPAIRED.

Such Joy.

And today, I found that my laptop plug got burnt too.

I suspect there was an electricity surge from TNB along with overloading from my house; hence the burning [even the plastic of the switchboar melted and hence the noxious fumes burning my nostrills]. The heater is spoilt but thank God my laptop charger plug is not spoilt too.

So I was lost in translation while I was translating the document; because seriously, there are terms which just do not exist in Malay and you'll just have to crack your brains for the Malay vocabulary, lost in translation from those cashier girls, and momentarily when the electricity burned.

Not to mention that all my beautiful Malay vocabulary and phrases before this has been flushed down the drain.

It was really difficult to translate with super bright laptop screen and flashlight from phone.

Did I mention that it happened at 11 pm??

It was quite chaotic. Luckily, I was the nocturnal one in the family who can walk through the entire house without light.

If you're wondering, Yes, I'm rotting at Starbucks again. With my sister this time.