I Got Caught

I woke up in the middle of the night only to find the lights in the hall were turned on.

Usually, all the lights are turned off except for the garage light.

So I decided to go out and take a look. Even the door to the dining room is opened!!

Oh well, must be the nocturnal mother/early bird father doing some stuff in the kitchen.

I wanted to go back to sleep really badly.

"DEBBLE!!!!! Is that you? Are you awake?"

I was forced to open the room door again. "Yea?"

"Wanna play tennis??"

I was trying so hard to avoid the topic of playing tennis; I have to wake up at 6 freaking a.m.!!!

"Me?? Tennis??" HAHAHA.

"I'm giving you no choice, you're coming to play with us. Wake your sister up now."

I happily went back to sleep. It's 6 freaking a.m. anyway. And it's a Sunday!!

Unfortunately, at 6.30 am, the dad's booming voice was at the door which woke my sister up and he ordained that I go too. And my sister slapped me on the arm; forcing me to go brush my teeth first. Gah. Why is it always me first? Just because she is freaking working doesn't mean that I'm not tired too. It's so much more tiring to study than to work!!

If I had not been such a nosey snooper, I wouldn't have been caught, I wouldn't have to go to play tennis and get tortured and torn away from my plushy bed.

And so we played. And I played quite well!! =D After not touching the racquet for like 5 years?? Yeah. But they were mostly parabolas since I usually don't do a full swing. [When I was a beginner, I had a history of hitting the ball over the fence and into the palace grounds when I did those horrible parabola full swings. The bad habit somehow stayed on.]

The highlight of the game was listening/watching those group of old people doing tai chee nearby. IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! They were doing slow motion tai chee to..... well, emo ballads. Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand. Not bad. Because I witnessed them fighting once because they complained that they cannot stand their boring instructor with their lame yi yi er er whatever shit chant that they usually do.

To my amazement, out of the blue, Flo Rida's Low started playing. And they actually 'danced' to it!!! HAH! It was hilarious crazy. They were like robotic cartoons dancing to the tunes with their lame almost-aerobic steps.

[I have a grudge against them because I used to hate their stupid yi yi er tape recording when I used to play tennis last time. I hear it every freaking morning and it is usually blaring in my ears!]

That was the game. After that, we went to church... and... I loved the singing, because I get to really strain my vocal cords!! But... I slept off during sermon.

"Debble, you were sound asleep as a bunny."

It was that bad. I really slept off for about 45 minutes. I usually still listen to the speaker but it's the usual, "in one ear and out the next" mode. But I'm still aware of what is being spoken. But I really slept off that morning. [To my amazement, the mother was happily laughing away and started teasing me for being lazy; sleeping in church just because I, for the first time actually went to play tennis in the morning.]

Oh well.

But that evening, was awesome. We went to this tennis shop in DU and it was brilliant!!! We bought a new pro racquet and re-stringed the other two. And the mom bought a squash racquet. Well, in some meagre effort to lose weight after the food binge spree that we had for the past few days [just because it was her birthday week].

I think I'm hooked to tennis now. But I'll probably steal the mommy's racquet to try out squash too!

Cheers.

I Almost Met with A Massive Accident

Seriously, I hate Malaysian drivers.

Ok, I admit that I have a tendency to accelerate but one has to or else get knocked at the back or get honked. (And I only go at about 80-100 on Federal)

So, today, after passing the Subang toll gate, I accelerated. Only to have this fucktarded (I'm sorry, I really have to curse here) grey Waja car swerved to my lane (the middle lane which is "supposedly" safe) just to overtake a lorry.

For goodness' sake, have a little patience!!! And look at your bloody side-mirror before you switch lanes!!! And you weren't even accelerating fast enough to cut into my lane!

Thank God my dad turned my steering (because I was half dazed - need to use my brains a little more in driving) and I swerved to the right lane and missed the grey Waja by mere inches and the Avanza car on the right lane behind me by mere inches.

And thank God I had the sense to switch my foot and step on the break and turn the steering wheel to the right and back before I hit the divider. I think the Avanza dude had to break very hard. Sorry, uncle, and thank you for breaking too.

I tell you that STUPID STUPID STUPID WAJA CAR!!!!! He had to recover in the middle lane behind me for a while before he went taking off at mad speed on the right lane again. I hope that whoever was in the car gave him a good slap on his face, and if they don't, I hope God will slap him for me. I'm seriously so damn mad with that IDIOT!!!

The Avanza uncle was so nice, he just gave me a light beep on the honk to tell me how dangerous I was. Which I knew that I was damn dangerous. But I'm so grateful for him for breaking.

I officially have a grudge against Waja car drivers. Seriously, just because you drive a much more expensive version of locally made cars doesn't mean that you're driving a ferrari and please come to your senses that you need to have patience in driving. I always follow the lorries for a while until I have the chance to switch lanes. Oh, and please bear in mind that you're actually driving a tin can too. Perodua drivers are wayyyyyyyy better than bloody Proton drivers. Especially Waja cars.

Dad was really scared because if we were to crash he will suffer the most damage. And I am thankful for his adrenaline and his alertness.

It's the second time I'm so damn bloody blur in my driving. I need to get my brains in.

I really thank God for protecting us.

Let me update a little of what has happened since this blog has been quite dead for a month and a half. I'll just put it in point form.

1. I had this toe-cracking experience.
   
   Basically, we were wearing formal wear (as in coat and all) and we girls were wearing heels. And we had to stand around from 9 am right until 7.30 pm. Ok, for me it was from 7 am since I had to commute via train to KLCC. It was for the International Moot competition and this LawAsia Conference. We got to see Badawi speak in real life. Leave me an offline note if you wanna bitch bout it. It was fun and full of experience as a whole though.
   
   Oh, and the toes really threatened to crack because I escorted the mooting team which I was in charge with all the way to the Corus hotel. And we went on foot.
   
   
2. I became Smeagol x 3.
   
   Thanks to the mother who came back from London and forgot where she placed her rings; accusing me of misplacing them while I was keeping them for her all the time. It took me 3 1/2 weeks to find for those 3 bloody rings. And guess what? We found them in her pants pocket. JOY!
   
   
3. I'm beginning to see the light.
   
   OK, as in, almost dead and also, I am no longer that blur. Yes, I finally got a grip of my studies and I can actually concentrate and know what I'm doing. Tutorials are a great way to wake me up and slap me in the face on how little I know about my stuff. Although I have done A Levels, but that is immaterial because we have added elements (the ones A Levels omitted) and they are quite crucial in understanding the law.
   
   
4. Tutorials sucks the life out of you.
   
   I just had a whole full week of tutorials and my workload was basically piled up so high; it was as if I was drowning in a sea of books.
   
   
5. University life is a world of difference from A Levels.
   
   I thought that the transition from SPM to A Levels was a major change and given that A Levels is quite similar with university. Consequently, I thought there won't be much change. But I was obviously wrong.
   
   University life is so much more hectic with so much of self-reading and understanding to do. We practically have to read all full cases on our own and make lots of case briefs. And we are told that in order to get a second upper we'll have to read at least 4-5 books. Such joy and bliss. A first class requires additional materials.
   
   
6. Books.
   
   Given that I need to read 4-5 books for each module and the books are thicker than dictionaries, I have been officially been pronounced a nerd without needing any certificate to proof it. I tried carrying 4 books yesterday but I gave up after 10 minutes. They weighed about 15 kgs there. Madness. My arms are sore.
   
   
7. I pierced my ears!!!
   
   Yes, finally after so long. The mom consented.
   
   
8. I slept yesterday night immediately after dinner.
   
   I was so tired from all the lack of sleep from the tutorial week.
   
   
9. I have developed a serious speed reading skill.
   
   I mean, we are in the university of reading... which really makes us read. I mean, Law for a fact. But I really like my university studies because it clears up so much of my misunderstandings and doubts from A levels. And I do plan to get a first class, if I can get as a consolation to my blow at dignity because of A levels.
   
   
10. I love my class.
    
    The people are totally not those sensitive kind and you can joke all that you want. Even at their expense! And my group of friends, (mixture of Malaysians, Singaporeans, Tanzanians and Kenyans) are just so awesome. Love them to bits! And the best part is everyone is not that naive to look at live so conventionally and be so blinded. And they all have a cynical point of view at the world of politics. Which is fun. At least rather than talking about myself we talk about politics; which is so much more fun!! I can finally lay low about my profile and choose to hold back.

Overall, my life is a mixture of hell and bliss. It's law afterall. What was I expecting??

Useless Lump of Mobile Clay??

I feel so worthless and useless sometimes.

While others are really hardworking and memorising and slaving away with their books, I am taking my own sweet time to read stuff, chill out, watch telly, sleep, bum around and later do last minute cramming.

I am wasting my brains, talents and capabilities. Wasting my time. Wasting all of my effort in the entire 1 1/2 years of college in getting a good foundation of my studies. Wasting my parents' money. Wasting the lecturers' time. Wasting the examiner's time marking. Wasting a spot in Taylors.

So what if I can absorb and understand things really fast?? And be really argumentative and analytical??

I did not study as hard as I should have for the Finals. I did everything last minute.

12 hours of study for Contract
4 hours for Literature Paper 3
14 hours for Tort
8 hours for Economics

Question: Can I make it through this Final Examination??

I know I have so much more capacity to excel. If only I have pumped in more effort and discipline. Had I done it, I would have soared.

Although I answered everything that I wanted, everything that was relevant, and everything that was sufficient for an A; yet it was still not my best although I covered all relevant problem areas.

I know I had the capacity to be able to memorise the entire two Law textbooks if I could have made myself sit and study. And I would be able to pour everything out in the exam hall in a jiffy along with concrete arguments.

I did produce good arguments [according to me]; yet there is this nagging feeling that it was not good enough. It was not perfect enough.

I knew that I would have been able to nail Economics straightaway if I had studied throughout the weekend rather than go shopping. I would not have to rush for the last essay.

The funny thing is. There is this certain calmness, peace and non-weary feeling in me. It is a good thing, but it unnerves me at times.

Am I so numb towards studying and life or is it because I actually did do well for my Finals??

I know that all of my answers are relevant and quite thorough.

But is this enough??

Will I get straight A's and get an offer from NUS??

I cannot predict the future. But I can only place my hope, faith and trust in God that everything will unfold by itself graciously and turn into a blessing.

I hardly studied for UPSR, PMR and SPM. And yet, I excelled.

Dear God, let me excel just this once more. You are my last hope. And I can only place my trust in You.

What happened to the old me who used to be really driven to study?? Who could sit for 3 whole weeks before the examination just to study?? I was a total bitch at that time.

Has becoming a better person in nature dampened my drive to study??

Have I settled down to such complacent comfort that I have come down to this?

I need answers. Am I being a total over-driving perfectionist who is too hard on herself??

Judgements [Please read until the end or do not read at all]

Alright. Let us just see from a general perspective about men.

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to insult or censure anyone but it is just an observation. Take it or leave it.

Sometimes, their ego can be equated to a piece of paper.

If Men's Ego = Paper, then:
1. If you keep it too well and comfortable, it becomes yellow and spotted.
2. Keep it too crisp and it will give you paper cut. Thin, fine, unnoticeable and PAINFUL.
3. If it is too crumpled, then things are gonna look ugly
4. If you spill something on it, it gets tainted forever.
5. If you tear it, you can never piece it back to its original form.

In fact, almost everyone's ego is like a piece of paper. Fragile. It's just the degree of fragility

However, I read something which really threw me into another light of perception of men.

If you think Bequests of Love in the SPM Literature syllabus is sweet, I tell you, it is a work of piracy and it is overly-done with too much of emoness. And I tell you, the effect that the prose I read is a light year better than Bequests of Love. The emotional effect was apt and totally not overly done.

The prose is written by Alice Elliot Dark in 1993; entitled 'In The Gloaming'

The story is about a mother whose son is having an illness.

He has to sit in a wheelchair with blankets wrapping up his frail frame and near the end of his life, he could hardly hold a polystyrene cup with a straw in it properly.

His father was always detached. He was a workaholic. He ran away when he was needed to support his wife emotionally. He ignored his son. He never came back for dinner. He was not there at his son's last moments on this earth.

He hardly talked to his son. He knew his son was dying.

But when his son finally died, he said one sentence which blew me away.

"Tell me what else did our son like."

He even cried.

The father was not detached. He was not cold.

He simply did not know how to react and accommodate to the situation.

But deep down, he still loved his son very much. He just did not know what to do.

He could not bear to sit on the dining table and watch his son's life slowly robbed away from him.

He did not know how to control his emotions and he suppresses them by being indulged in work.

Men are such complex beings.

Men are practical and they provide physical security.

Women are emotional and provide emotional security.

That is the reason why men and women exist together. To complete each other. And they need to be different to complete each other.

Don't you dare discriminate against any one of them.

And that is why homosexuality is not really acceptable in this world by certain people because unless the relationship of that couple can fulfil what a normal man and woman can; only can homosexuality work out well.

And let me declare this.

NO, I DO NOT discriminate or condemn people for their background.

I respect their background. I may mumble some disapprovals, but it does not mean that I look down upon a person, I am biased against that particular feature or will I ever think that the person is not fit/good enough for good things.

I am not some freaking discriminating, scrutinising Aunt of the Society to do so.

In fact, I accept people for who they are. I try to learn their ways and I try to adopt. Even if I were to start off on the wrong footing or say things which may hurt. I do not mean harm.

I like to analyse how and why people behave the way that they do.

I am sick and tired of people thinking that I am some stuck-up, high-handed bitch who thinks a hell of herself and no one else is good enough for her.

I may be shy and I do not approach guys first if I only just got to know him. I may warm up a little more to a girl.

Other than that, I am just another earthling trying to understand and live this Life by communicating and building good relationships with people.

I try my best. But it does not mean that I will be a suck-up to be trampled upon over and over again.

I am not a feminist in any way and I do not discriminate against men.

I try to be neutral.

A Momentarary Lapse

After a moment of reflection, I came up with this.

I think I am suffering from a trio-personality.

Nope. I'm not a hypocrite.

I just seem to behave differently without me realising it.

I'm either
1) super nerdy and serious;
2) super perky and bimbotic or
3) just plain detached, bong, quiet and very lowly self-esteemed.

I cannot recall what I did or said during the moot until now. It's all in a haze.

I cannot seem to fathom how I can be just so crazy sometimes.

And I don't know how I can just laugh out of the blue.

I don't know how I can be so assertive sometimes to the extent of being totally exasperating.

I have been detached at one time.

And I do not know my reason for being detached anymore.

To all those people that I have neglected, have not supported them emotionally when they needed me.

To all those that I've been a totally condescending bitch with.

To all those people whom I have ignored.

To all those people whose feelings I have hurt.

I am sorry.

I tried to be careful and tactful but things always get its way and I become the person that I do not want to be.

I don't blame you if you don't talk to me anymore.

I'm putting the past behind and moving forward whether you are talking to me or not.

Yeah, call me delusional. This is exactly what I'll do.

No point hovering about like a pathetic lost soul desperate for friendship.

I am going to be me.

L.I.F.E.

I would like to thank Ms Othilia Hee for:

1. Pigging out on Maggie Cup Noodle with me today
2. For telling me her definition of life.

I think, she is so right

Life stands for:

L = Lame
I = Intoxicating/Irritating/Inconsiderate
F = Fad/Feckless
E = Excruciating/Exasperating

[I'm sorry, but I can't quite remembered what she said... so this is sort of like my version in her definition)

And people say that I don't have a life. Well, should I say thanks for the compliments?? Because if I don't have one it just shows that I am not pathetically searching for some lame amusement and fun in life. In some ways. I'm not saying that having fun is bad. It's how desperate you need it.

And so, this post is the mark of the change of something.

Question: What do you do if a friend who bought a packet of tabs and left it on the table??

Ok, a little further information:
The tab was bought to tab the bundles but it didn't work out due to acute lack of time.

Do you:
(a) Leave it there for your friend to pick it up
(b) Remind your friend about the tab
(c) Take it home and use it.

And someone had the cheek to accomplish (c) and when I asked her for it, she just passed me the used tabs.

Such great integrity.

By the way, did you know that there was a bomb scare in INTI College yesterday??

It's so pathetic... why not in our college??

Then we get to skip college.

I seriously can't wait for college to finish.

I am so absolutely busy.

And my credit runs low like water dripping out of a sieve.

Ah, whatever.

This is life.

Complaints vs. Frustrations

Question: How does one know how to distinguish between a complain and just a mere let out of frustrations?

I think I've found the answer after a few days pondering on the subject.

A complain is usually one with condemnation about the subject being complained about.

E.g. : Why is this - insert bad word text so unbearable?

That is a complain. It has all the elements of discontentment and it is in every way oozing with hatred.

A phrase of frustration?

It is when you just voice your frustration without condemnation or any added description about the subject.

Eg. : I am just so tired reading this text. [probably this post too]

And I'm glad that I have found the distinction between the two.

Do me a favour??

Let me know when I'm complaining. Yes, do it. Say it right in my face. I can handle it.

_______________________________________________________

I don't know why, but I just seem to:
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap banyak banyak.

Why arr?? Why??

Sometimes, it's like I just can't shut up!!!

My brain tells me to SHUT UP!! but my mouth just won't.

It's like it has a mind of its own.

_____________________________________________________

What do you get when you have me and my mom in the kitchen??

Craziness.

My mom will start telling me crazy stuff which is actually true.

And being Mrs. B, she just can't help herself on the topic that she talks and advises best in. [I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you what it is. It's embarassing.]

Then again, besides the craziness, there are also series of supernovas.

I finally revealed the Voir heels to my mom.

When she saw it, she was furious, thinking that I bought it the day before when I was literally dumped at the Jaya Jusco at Bukit Tinggi.

That is episode #1.

Episode #2:
I misplaced some document which is very very vital. Mom's extremely furious, accusing me of being irresponsible and sloppy. And then she went on ranting bout how she absolutely cannot trust me with a credit card, cannot trust me by letting me go to Singapore on my own, cannot trust me to do anything at all. And, she always say that I can't do Law. Reason for me being sloppy and lazy. Pfft.

You know what's ironic? Yet, she still asks me to run lots and lots of errands for her.

Episode #3:
She found this whole stack of storybooks that Eilene lent me. My mom went purple again, thinking that I bought those books. Bloody hell. I don't have so much of money. I would rather spend it on clothes and DVDs!!

There was almost another episode #4, when I wore the quite-short skirt.

I'm so glad she went to pasar malam and did not see me in the skirt at all. When I reached home, I dashed into the room to quickly change in case she suddenly decides to quit the pasar malam early.

Oh, and I'm so glad that my dad did not turn to the pasar malam to help her carry stuffs. I'm so glad that I kept on telling him that she'll be home by the time we're home.

Strangely, my dad seems to be fine with me wearing that skirt. But when I bent down a little in Carrefoure, he was on the verge of a hysteria. Haha. Sorry paps! But I can take care of myself very well.

Probably it is pre-destined by God that my mom should grow impatient and run off to the pasar malam on her own to avoid a super SUPER nova at home and hence, exterminate all chances of me going to Singapore.

Seriously, I don't get it. Why does she always think that I'm such a super bad daughter who doesn't know any limit and cannot control myself?? I know what's right and wrong. I'm old enough to rationalise for myself.

___________________________________________________

It's really hard to try to suppress my hunger pangs.

I have finally surrendered to the fact that I am actually almost too tall for my own good.

Look around, I'm almost taller than most people.

And Malaysia being in the Asian continent, there are not that many tall people. They are very limited.

My mom told me that I have to stop having sudden urges to gorge on food.

Food = extra energy + extra protein = the possibility of growing taller.

So, I've decided to cut lunch when I'm in college but have quite a heavy breakfast.

Yesterday, did not quite work out for me.

Yea, I only have Iced Milo for lunch, but when I went home, I was starving crazy.

And I verbally told my dad that how I wish that my mom will come home with blessings of tau fu fahs.

And I was blessed more than that.

I got this awesomely delicious Korean dumpling. [It seems to be the only thing that I like from the Koreans.]

And... and... a super big packet of tau fu fah.

It was pure bliss.

But the problem is, I ate so much of tau fu fahs [2 bowls to be exact] that my stomach was so bloated and I just felt like puking when my mom made me drink the soya bean.

Inilah Hikayat Debble.

When I starve, I am starved crazy and when I gorge, I gorge till my stomach threatens to explode.

Next lesson to be learnt:
MODERATION

P/S: So sorry for not blogging for quite some time. My internet at home is a complete cracko. [And yes, Dom, I do wish I can smash the dinosaurs and the streamyx modem, but I shall have to abstain to avoid my mom breathing down my neck.]

Miss Marguerite

People, go to BB6 and read Miss Marguerite's message there left for us.

I am so touched. [I feel like crying!! Haha. There's no oscar award for it so yeah]

I'm so happy for her!!

She got a baby girl!!

Gave birth on the 5th November at 3.30pm. [From V for Vendetta: Remember, remember the 5th of November. Haha. Ignore me. I'm getting crazy due to too much of Law.]

I'm so glad you're fine now Miss Marguerite.

I really hope that we'll have you as our lecturer again for next year!! I don't know how am I going to survive Mr. Bala or Mrs. Ong's overly-eccentric idiosyncrasy at times. It's fun, but how long can you take it? I love all of your spoon-feeding actually.

You know, seriously, compared to Mr Bala, Ms Marguerite practically feeds us with the law facts and cases.

p/s: With the speed that I'm going when I write essays, I think I can actually build arm muscles. I'm serious. Besides writting essays, playing the piano will help too. Because my arms have to be suspended mid-air all the time while the fingers are moving about rapidly. Urgh. And if I stop building arm muscles, it turns into fats!! No!!!