Lil B here. It's not such a sunny day down in my lethal legal sphere where daggers are hidden, looks are deceiving, words are bent to the untruth, and expressions can hardly be deciphered. You think your life is a funfair circus? Wait till you shake a hand with invisible needles, brittle piecemeal alliances, and unrepentant bitchings which threaten to ruin the one's reputation.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

System of A Crackdown

Beep. Notification. Body status is very tired. Attention please.

Beep. Warning. Body is overstressed. Warning.

Beeeeeeeeeppppp. Alert. Body is threatening to collapse. Warning. Warning. Alert.

Emergency Alert. Emergency Alert. Please evacuate. Evacuate now. Evacu------------- ..............

System of A Crackdown [Crackerpot].

Saturday. Photoshop dilemma. Enthusiasm + Stress = 6 hours of staring into the laptop screen. Legs tucked/curled underneath each other. Head bent. Concentration to its optimum maximum.

Sunday. Swollen-eyed, pale zombie. Dehydrated. Midsummer Photoshopping madness season. Late hours. Scribbling journal-author who turned lazy. 3 hours of sleep.

Monday. Superwoman wannabe. Neglected planned nap and blogged on the stupid verily long post. Watched too much of tv. Slept at 2 am.

Tuesday. Voila!!!

I have this singing in my head:

"Here we go round this cracked potter's head"
"The cracked vessel's head"
"The stupid girl's head"
"Here we go round this cracked dufus' head"
"So early in - the morning!"

What a hospital [hospitable!! hospitable... Debbleureaux?? What's happening to you??] greeting which lasts until today.

The lesson to be learnt:

Don't try to be an immortal nocturnal "superwoman" wannabe thinking that you can cheat your brains and stay up as long as you want

And... and....

Don't drink Coke, Soya Bean or get too much of sleep.

You don't wanna be a hyper dooofus.

Disclaimer: All hyperness presented in this post is not responsible for any hysterical responses/reactions. Please take heart [No... no... NOTE!!]
p/s: You might need to get a fly-hitter ready in case I get too over-hyper. Haha. But I don't tend to send you people to the Blissful Hospital to be living in bliss. [Hospital Bahagia to be bahagia. HAH!!] [Probably I might just drop you on a runaway train there]

Monday, November 26, 2007

This is a VERY VERY VERY Long Post [which has been cut-short]

Ok. I have been absent for a very long time.

It's time to start updating.

Forgive me, but this will be a VERY VERY VERY long post.

You know me, if you don't shut my mouth I can go on and on and on and on. Yea huh.

So, let's have some updates about what has been happening:
  1. College has started. The dread of it all!!!

  2. I am suddenly very quiet. I don't know why. Just don't have/can't find the mood to talk. [Yes, I know you're saying: what happened to this chatterbox??] I don't know why either.

  3. College work is seriously taking a toll on me. There is just so many things to do!! So much updating to do. Like this blog.

  4. You have no idea how many sleepless nights I have had. Calculating how fast I can learn up Adobe Photoshop and how long it will take me to finish up the poster. And how long more I need to finish up Act 5 analysis.

  5. Thank God the calculations were just sufficient for me to scrape through today.

  6. Zeal and enthusiasm seem to be zapped out of my life. It's like someone stole away the part of me who is crazy and playful.

  7. Let's start with Sunday. Last Sunday [not yesterday, the week before] was a DEAD bore. Although I was at KLCC, but there was practically nothing to see/buy. So, it was like some workout for me. Walk all day long. I was rather bad-tempered the entire time.

  8. Yesterday was quite boring. I didn't go to church due to the demonstration. It will be madness to get to Old Klang Road for church. So, I ended up chilling out at home and doing Lear.

  9. I sat down for 6 whole hours on saturday to do the Lear poster. At the end of the day, I was so tired and my eyes were so swollen, I just felt like collapsing and never get up again. For college I mean.

  10. I fell down on Wednesday. The night before college restarted. Yup. Hufus-dufus had a great fall and landed on her knee. Her knee has a very beautiful built-in pingpong ball sticking out now. The colour combination is HIDEOUS.

  11. The weekdays other than that one special day mentioned above were a blur. Basically, I just sleep, eat and watch tv series online.

  12. I have a secret to tell you. I am addicted to Gossip Girl.

On a side note, just for my sanity's sake, take a good look at this "BEAUTIFUL" picture.

Let's have a moment of peace and absolute appreciation

Yup. You study/do Shakespeare's work, this is how you'll end up looking. Bald. Panda-eyed with seriously terribly sagging, black eye-bags. And you can even adorn a book as your shirt collar.

Isn't he just spankingly gorgeous?

Haha, this is a comforting note. I am still quite crazy in a sense afterall.

Anyway, I'm gonna get a nap now.

Signing off.

p/s: Sorry, my brains are a lil short-circuit today. I think it's because I have been feeding too many mosquitoes at the Sam garden just now while waiting for my transport to arrive. Haih. You know me.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

When The Cage is Finally Opened

When the cage is finally opened, what happens to the bird?

Nope, it will not fly immediately.

It has been locked up for so long that it has forgotten how to fly. Yup.

So I started off my dorky freedom by going for Home Fellowship.

Boring as hell. [Our cute lil chrissie did not bother replying my msg]. And, I found out that I am no longer on speaking conditions with my so-called childhood friends. [erm, they are all guys. Now you know why I'm tom-boyish?]

We all suddenly became shy. Blame it on puberty. They practically ran away from me. Lol. Guys. I don't know what to say. Sometimes, I wonder if their shyness is real or they just like having their own space.

You know, before this, I had a lot of things planned in mind.
  1. Watch Enchanted. Not possible anymore given that everyone is gonna be busy preparing for our course resuming on thursday. We've got the pain-in-the-ass Lear to complete and the ridiculously-time-consuming poster to complete. And no one wants to go with me. I planned to go immediately on Monday. Sobs.
  2. Play computer games until I drop. Yup. But I think my ram is cracking. The laptop is so slow that I feel like smashing it up sometimes. And, I can't seem to load Virtua Tennis 3. Stupid dvd. Cost me 20 bucks!!!
  3. Play Tennis!!! Yes. I so wanna play it so badly. But I've got no one to play with me. Sobs. Dad's still not in a condition to play with me. It's so boring to go to the gym because all I do is cycle. I do not have such happy lungs to be on the treadmill.
  4. Shop. It's coming true after all. Mom told me that I'll be going to KLCC on Sunday even before I could open my mouth. TEE HEE!!
  5. Hang out with my pals. But all my pals are busy!! [referring to you PL2 people. Uh huh.]

Hmm. Let's go on to my Christmas wish-list. Haha. I love Othilia. She's the first one to offer to buy me a christmas present. And she even asked me what I want. Hehe. It was really fun bullying her. Haha.

  1. Storybooks. Anything. Just don't give me soap-opera books, almost like Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen-Mah and I'll be absolutely-brimmingly happy!!!
  2. A pair of Levi's jeans. Haha. Yup. I want one!!! [That is if I can fit in it]
  3. An uber-cool wallet. Let's face facts. We all know that I am in such a terribly dire need for one.
  4. A new handbag for college!! I'm sick of my gunny-sack. Any benevolent soul out there?
  5. Cool funky [maybe punkish] t-shirts with a touch of sophistication. All I have are nun's t-shirt. No style, no sense of fashion and totally dead.
  6. A new phone!!! Yes. I REALLY REALLY need one. And a cool one with an external memory card, a good camera [since my sis took my camera away] and a cool phone with a cool design. [And preferably a Motorola. I don't care how much you people think that it sucks.]
  7. A camera?? I really envy those who have such high-tech and cool cameras. I have a friggin antique one and the only cool one is in UK. I want a Fujifilm camera!!!
  8. A Touch-pad Ipod. Oh yes. I'm the most pathetic soul who does not own an mp3 player. I reall envy those of you who own one. I don't. And I'm not happy.
  9. A beautiful flowing dress. I don't think I want my mom to tailor me anymore dress. It's getting more and more nunnish. I can't possibly survive another one.
  10. To grow at least another inch taller. Yes, dear God, please please please, for this christmas, make me at least another inch taller? 2 inches will be awesome. I don't like being short. And I can't stand it with me being shorter than quite a number of people. I wanna be distinguished. I like being distinguish. Feels like I'm on top of the entire universe.

I can be very ridiculous sometimes. But I guess this is the way that we behave when we have the taste of freedom and absolute liberty. [At least for me. =D]

And I'm loving every single bit of this ridiculous feeling.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Of Law, Eyes and Hair

You have no idea how depressed I am.

It's so depressing that there's so much to write, but so little time.

And for my damned character of not being able to let go of an essay and wanting to complete it fully instead.
I ended up with 6 pages for the first essay.

Hence, I have lost the battle to time.

The second essay was like a whirlwind rush with the most obvious facts but substantiated in my style.

The third essay; I was only left with 15 minutes.

And I only managed to write 3 frigging pages.

With only 3 points. And it's not very substantiated.

Why is the Cambridge International Examination Board such a sore in the ass? It's painful, it leaves a mark and it lasts for a period of time.

It was almost the same with Literature. I didn't manage to finish on time for both papers. I ended up with writing point-form essay towards the end. It was worse for Bliss since I was only half way through the passage when time was up.

So much to write, yet time, like an arrant whore, races past me; leaving me to chase after it, gasping for space to breathe; panting for air all the while.

This is exasperatingly frustrating.

I feel like I'm left in the dark. Left in the dark to mellow in my own depression and devastation. Left alone in the dark where no one can hear me scream.

I feel like screaming my lungs out. I feel like pulling my hair out [Not that I have a lot on my scalp], I feel like crying until my eyes pop out. But it's only a feeling. Like a typical descendant of the female species, these emotions are all suppressed inside; leaving it to slowly feed on my soul and wring me dry.

Let's side-track a little.

This new blog is not meant for anymore whinings. It's supposed to be generative and positive.

You know what?
Even if I cry until my eyes are terribly swollen, it'll still look BETTER than Paris Hilton's eyes. Because my eyes size don't vary that much, only slightly and those puffs can be concealed by a concealer and foundation.

I think Paris Hilton should SERIOUSLY get an eye-job done. She looks hideous with the vast difference of size of her eyes.


The right-side of her face looks almost beautiful with her very nice and professionally done make-up. Just not the left-side of her face. She looks as if she got punched in that eye and she cannot open it properly now.

Hmm... love her hair though.

You know what kind of hair I like now?

Super high, fluffy and thick hair on the top and beautiful wavy locks. Love Fergie's hair when she is singing in a "concert" in her video clip Clumsy.

Probably I should go and get hair-extensions or go for a hair transplant. Haha. My mom said that hair-extensions make your head stink. Is it really true? Well, hair transplant? I don't wanna end up like Celine Dion's husband who's having some kind of scalp cancer now.

I shouldn't do anything at all.

Sigh.

Amy Winehouse's hair is almost cool but just not too high. Sometimes, it looks like a beehive on top of her head. Love her lashes though.

Nope. I'm not going to pull my hair or cry until my eyes pop out.

I'm gonna go snooze now.

Seriously need some sleep.

Wish me a good nap!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Miss Marguerite

People, go to BB6 and read Miss Marguerite's message there left for us.

I am so touched. [I feel like crying!! Haha. There's no oscar award for it so yeah]

I'm so happy for her!!

She got a baby girl!!

Gave birth on the 5th November at 3.30pm. [From V for Vendetta: Remember, remember the 5th of November. Haha. Ignore me. I'm getting crazy due to too much of Law.]

I'm so glad you're fine now Miss Marguerite.

I really hope that we'll have you as our lecturer again for next year!! I don't know how am I going to survive Mr. Bala or Mrs. Ong's overly-eccentric idiosyncrasy at times. It's fun, but how long can you take it? I love all of your spoon-feeding actually.

You know, seriously, compared to Mr Bala, Ms Marguerite practically feeds us with the law facts and cases.

p/s: With the speed that I'm going when I write essays, I think I can actually build arm muscles. I'm serious. Besides writting essays, playing the piano will help too. Because my arms have to be suspended mid-air all the time while the fingers are moving about rapidly. Urgh. And if I stop building arm muscles, it turns into fats!! No!!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Dedicated to Music

This is a post dedicated to Music. The. Big. M.

Not just any World music, not only classical music, but ALL sorts of music.

Yup.

My spirit has just rekindled its passion and love for Music.

I left music behind me for 2 years.

It was partially my fault and due to other circumstances influencing it.

I hated Music at one time because of a terrible memory, something which happened back when I was 14 years old.

I now realise how childish I have been acting..

Why build up a wall of defence built with the essence of hatred, rebellion and retaliation?

Listening to rock music and emo music has just made it worse. My taste and exposure to Music became rigid and limited.

Well, that wall has been cracked, and now, the pathway and the land is clear for expansion and exposure. I should have, learned to love Music even more during that period. Not hate it. How stupid.

I went to the piano today and touched the keys which seemed like an archeology artifact.

I have left my piano to collect dust for too long. It's time to give life to it again.

The dust collected has been wiped off, the memories have been wiped off along with it.

A new beginning has started.

For a start, I sat at the piano today for 3 whole hours.

I am so glad that for once, I can play music with the expression and the technicality that I need to produce the interpretation and the presentation of that piece of music. I can now play the Music that has been playing in my head and heart all this while, music which were locked up and the only avenue of release is when I'm in the shower, humming and analysing a piece that is in my head. This is the first step. The next step, is to put all of my extensive and elaborate improvisation of a lot of music which has been in my head all this while but unheard of in reality into solid sound.

I revisited all of my past memories which has evolved around and involved Music.

And I have realised, that I do miss it very much.

Each genre of music has its own unique feature. Irregardless of whether it is pop, rock, punk, jazz, classical, romantic or baroque.

Baroque is really beautiful when it comes to the chord harmonisations and the technicality and the clear articulation that it requires. I am really mesmerised with the ingenius musicians who could fill up the melody with harmonisation of the choral voices with only the aid of the main melody in print. I don't think anyone does this now. I bet they'll say, why torture the brain when you can have it all in black-and-white print? Why wreck the brain when you need to use it for expression? [p/s: In the Baroque era, which is from 1600-1700, they play the harpsichord. No wave or change in the amplitude that it produces. Hitting (or rather, in my dictionary, bashing) the keys will only break the strings. Haha. Now you get it?]

Classical music is light and it is soothing. It sings to the soul and it clears the dark clouds in the skies. That's why babies listen to Mozart now. The wave that his music produces is so smooth and stable that it can really construct your thoughts in an extremely organised way.

The romantic period music is expressive, lyrical and beautiful with a touch of chromaticism to really give it colour and poise. Simply beautiful.

20th Century Music. This includes jazz, neo-classicism, blues, impressionist and world music of today. Jazz, well, given the right feel and beat, it can really brighten up a dull place [I will say that Norah Jones's jazz is more of like jazz of the dead. Try other kinds of jazz. Like the soundtracks of Chicago]. Blues just get you all whoozy and deliriously drunkardly happy. [I love American composer, Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue!!!]

Neo-classicism is the improvisation of classical music which is really soothing to the ears. Take the soundtracks of Pride and Prejudice as an example. Perfect epitome of neo-classical music. [I love playing Dawn!!!]

Impressionist. I really love this type of music, come to think of it, no matter how many times I tell my sister that I hate her playing. The truth is, I really love her expression and her interpretation of impressionist music. Simply beautiful. Everytime she plays Grieg's Sonata in E minor, it brings a rush of memories back to me back when I was 14, before the incident, when I was carefree and bubbly. Everytime she plays the piece, I get this smell that is really awesome which I can never find anywhere else. Nope. No perfume can compare to this wonderful sweet-smelling smell. I love waking to her Arabesque; lyrical, soothing, full of flow and it just makes you sway with the feeling that everything in this world is going to be all right. Yes, I miss my sister's beautiful playing although I accused her of being overly expressive and emotional [not forgetting eccentric] in my previous blog. This is what sisters are for.

I have to thank my sister for she is the catalyst and the one who has encouraged this sudden rekindling of passion and love for music. Thank you.

World music. Pop is just fun and soothing to the ears whether it is a boyband or a bitch like Britney singing. I admit, I like Britney's music. Toxic, My Prerogative, Me Against the Music ... Punk is fun too!! Love the All American Rejects, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Avril's old music and ladadida. I can't possibly mention every single band lest this post is going to be ridiculously long. Love songs, well, it's nice to listen to when you're suddenly feeling generous or lovey dovey. I love Rock music because it's just so upbeat and there's so much angst in it that I can just release all of my hate and anger into it. I especially love the guitar works and the drums. If there's piano works used in the music, it's absolutely awesome!

I love alternative music too!! Garbage for example, Meredith Brooks, Linkin Park. Hmm, come to think of it, I remember how dumb I was, singing "I'm A Bitch" by Meredith Brooks aloud in school with the class teacher staring at me. Haha. And how me and my sister used to bob our heads to the beat of Garbage's I Think I'm Paranoid and also Drop Dead Gorgeous by a band [I forgot the band's name *blushes*]. I was first introduced to Linkin Park when my sister sang the line "SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP!!!! SHUT UP I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!! SHUT UP!!!" Yup. She sang that to me. Apparently, I was seriously really overbearingly irritating in my younger days. Haha. I'm glad I peeved the shit outta you sis!! [Come to think of it, where did the Garbage and Meredith Brooks-loving sis go to?? Norah Jones robbed you away from me!!!]

Overall, I realised that when the soul sings, the thick and heavy veil of hardships and heartaches in this world slowly thin, lighten and eventually dissipate. That's when your heart opens up again to the world.

I am glad that I can now at least express and play Beethoven's Sonata in F minor without rushing like a runaway train at certain points or bashing the piano. Like what the examiner wanted, it was full of drama and sudden change of mood swings. I'll have to say that there's a lil too much of angst in my playing still. But it's a start. I'm not the clockwork player playing only the notes and what I'm merely supposed to do anymore!! Hah!

Come to think of it, there is A LOT of technical stuff which I have to work on. [And this includes frigging scales practice!! Urgh.]

Haha. Hello Music. Thank you for reviving this soul of mine.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Crazy Things for Today

Today is just so crazy.
  1. I stole my daddy's newspaper today. =D Yup. Stole it from him. When I went out to talk to my mom he went "Hey, where are my newspapers??"
  2. I ate chick-kut-teh today courtesy of Wendy Lim, my mommy. Yup. She cooked chicken in the "bah kut teh" soup which tastes more like herbal soup. Yup.
  3. I went to my aunt's house and just started randomly eating. [One of my severe seven deadly sins is gluttony after pride. >.<]
  4. I was watching Ultraman with my aunt's grandsons [my nephews]. The episode about Halloween. Come to think of it, I dunno how I tolerated it.
  5. I actually sat down and talked to my aunt about her favourite Hokkien sob-opera. What's wrong with me?
  6. Me and my sis just had this blonde moment and started rambling about Prince William. Don't ask.
  7. I started teasing Dom and Christine online. Hehe. It's my hobby!!
  8. There's a personal message war between me and Andrew. Yup. I said that he was one hell of a super emo-ass. He said at least he isn't me. And I said I'm glad because I don't wanna be equated to him. And he says Great! And you should google 'emo'. Hmmm... I'm allergic to google. Everything that I type now has remnants of my past blog. It's painful. The blog has shot to fame and it is one of the top searches in Google. But it's gone. And I can't relish the fame.
  9. I sat down for a whole half an hour watching out for how people's personal messages change. Melissa's changed from "actions speak louder than words" to "get outta my face". Hmmm......
  10. My cousin and aunt suddenly ambushed me today. Out of the blue, my cousin said: Debbie, you lost weight!! How did you do it? Erm... well, I'm glad I'm not as fat as before. You know how I did it? Don't ask me how. Ask my mum how she starves me during dinner. One full BIG plate of vegetables, one whole piece of fish. No rice. That's my dinner.
  11. Christine nominated me for a person most likely to have imaginary friends. Apparently, it's a retaliation for me nominating her as a person who is likely to believe in ghosts. Hmm... and so the war went on and on and on until I went for dinner. And when I came back, there was this whole chunk of appraisals for this new blog. THANKS CHRISTINE!!! [Although I got scolding for wrongly linking you and giving your supposedly classic quote of living in "a bubble of joy" away to Sam. I think Revolutionist suits you better.]
  12. My dad suddenly called me today and started rambling about white blood cells and red blood cells. I was steaming in the car [mom took away the car keys] and listening to it. Why ask me bout blood cells when I'm in a "sauna" room?
  13. I suddenly asked Dom to blog. I don't know what compelled me to do so, but it would really really be awesomely great if the entire PL2 has a blog each. That way, we get to know exactly what we are each doing. It's fun!! =D
  14. I have officially became a professional stalker. Yup. I'm stalking this particular person who is in Reading now. Nope. Me and my sis don't like her. At all. I'm just so kay-poh. Ok now Debble, stuck your nose back in.

I think it's because of my mom's chick-kut-teh. It tasted half salty half bitter half sweet half weird. Just weird.

Mom, NO MORE HERBAL SOUPS!!!! PLEASE!!!! I BEG YOU!!!

Ok, I'm gonna go out now.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Mistakes

Mistakes.

Are painful lessons.

It will be etched in one's very heart and memory.

That's why it's a lesson.

It's to avoid repetition of it.

One stupid mistake of mine, for being too prideful and too blunt has caused me my previous blog.

Yes. That was really painful.

But I shall be rebirthed.

With new thoughts, new styles and a whole new blog.

Hello there.