It's A New Year!!!

First and foremost,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMMIE!!!

I'm sorry I'm such a lousy friend to not be able to text you personally but leave it on the blog. May the decade ahead of you be filled with love and blessings!!!

*****

Funny, this year is definitely one year which I am so not looking forward to.

Because I will be turning 2 decades old.

I sound so old.

Anyway, today started off pretty weirdly.

Well, I randomly walked up to my sis at 6.40 am and asked her if she wanted Cintan Curry Mee (Instant Noodles) for breakfast instead of her usual disgusting cereal drink. It was the most glorious breakfast. And a first. The dad was worried that we would be late. Oh, and the sister complained about why I write so little about her in my blog. Hmm. She woke up pretty weird too.

I woke up at 3.15 am to study for the mock exams. Well, was supposed to get up at 1.30 am but continued sleeping for fear of a "hangover" due to acute lack of sleep. And I had to drag myself up just to study.

And there was this HUGE fat-ass mosquito sitting on my sister's bed. I had such an evil glee to kill it. Hence, the unforgiving palm struck the bed hard. Only to miss it. Wow, Debble, you're really great. You can't even hit a bloody mosquito!!! To my surprise, the mosquito didn't fly!!! It just merely jumped. And I hit and hit and hit (and miss and miss and miss) but the mosquito just kept jumping. Finally, when it landed on my sister's ankle, I gave it a hard WHACK!! only to have my sis wake up and scream "What the hell are you doing?" at me. Oh well. Gosh, it was such a satisfying kill!!! And along with it splashed at least 2 ml of blood on the blanket and my finger. No wonder the mosquito couldn't fly. It was too greedy to suck so much of my blood (which I found out later because I had 3 bites on my left arm) that it was too fat/heavy to fly. Now, back to my express revision. This is just a side-kick story to break mundanity.

Gosh, sometimes I really hate studying.

Well, for a start, my Criminal Law was only half-baked. Really. Because I have been reading Criminal Law and writing notes in various very creative places. Like One Utama Shopping Mall and The Curve. Yes. Mom went shopping while I sat on those plushy chairs provided by the mall to study. (No, it's actually for those whose feet are threatening to split) But who cares? I do what I want.

The worst part is I didn't cover 2 of the most important topics: Homicide and Non-Fatal Offences.

And I haven't studied Contract. Well, just glanced through the notes that I made from 9am - 4 pm (for 3 days in a row) last year for A Levels.

And... and... I haven't studied Tort.

Gosh, it was hell of a 3 am.

I decided to read Markesinis and Deakin's Law on Tort. I think these people are so emotionally charged for the topic of psychiatric injury. Seriously, they can't stop bickering about how the courts should have approached the claim for damages and how advanced is medical evidence these days that the Lords need not worry about "frivolous" claims because they can now find out the cause for the psychiatric injury, hence no one can fake it. I was half laughing when I read the book. I wonder if that is the reason why they are academicians; the fact that they are tired of the judges.

And damn it, I was blamed the entire day by the entire class for being a bitch to drop the bomb the day before that we have classes today itself despite of the mock exam. Only to find out that there was, in fact, no classes.

We were the only pathetic idiots studying at Asia Cafe after that. It's the first day of college and we are nerding away with a table strewn with books and papers all over. And that Jesse McCartney's damn song just has to sing "Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress". Leave me to my pathetic life okay?? I need the stress to get me studying or I'll still be on cloud 9. (Or probably Club 9 playing pool). Hah, it's been quite a long time since I last played pool.

The exam? Pooh. I hated it. When the questions were given, I was on the verge of crying. The questions were INSANE!!! Criminal was okay, but there was so much to talk about!! And I couldn't get the brains working to get me points out on rough paper. So I fidgetted and jumped from question to question. Changed answer sheet papers and re-wrote my introduction. And wasted 30 minutes.

I absolutely had no clue about what the Contract question wanted. Although we can carry that fat McKendrick Contract Law book which weighs a tonne in, it was of no use at all. If you don't understand the question, you don't even have anything to flip the pages to. Hence, the book is just a pretty 'little' ornament adorning your table. To show that you are busy and all university-like. Yeah right.

I started Tort question on why psychiatric injury was a problem in law only to realise that I don't even understand what I'm arguing about. So I changed answer sheet.

Then I jumped to Criminal Law. Gosh, writing the introduction was hell. How do I even begin to introduce that fella's liability which consisted of both homicide and non-fatal offences? If I were to lay out the general principle for both offences I'll take up a whole page and write a whole load of grandmother stories and waste time, ink and paper.

In the end, I wrote so much of grandmother story that I ended up with 4 full pages. And 1 hour for the other 2 questions.

In a rush, well, thank God, my thoughts seemed to allign for Tort. So I wrote about 3 pages of grandmother stories, adorning Markesinis and Deakin's very emotional arguments just for the sake of scribbling something on the paper within 30 minutes. (and hypocritically agreed with them since I didn't have a very strong argument in regards to the Lords).

Oh, and underlining, I realised, is so damn helpful. I suddenly understood the Contract question by the grace of God. Yup. And I started flipping the McKendrick book to get some cases (because I remembered none). Heh. And I finished it on time!!!

Anyway, that was what happened during the Mock.

I am crossing every limb that I will be passing Contract and Tort and hope that I did not write out of topic for Criminal.

What's Going On So Far

Nothing much has happened during the one month of absence from this blog.

Just a few highlights, I've been running around to help the mom find the perfect gown for the sister's call to the Bar.

And consequently, I had my knee swollen and the right knee having hints of pain due to too much stress. I limped about the house. I wasn't allowed to walk around much what more go anywhere.

The mother and sister are continuously teasing me about anything and everything; giving me more and more new nicknames day by day [which they deem as endearments... pooh]

So the mother and the sister are in London now enjoying themselves.

I'm hoping very hard for them to stumble upon more cool stuff for me. Hopefully, a new handbag and more clothes from Zara/Next/Topshop.

The first day of Uni life?

Well, it wasn't that bad. Kinda boring though sitting through those never-ending orientations.

Was extremely sleepy by the end of the day. It's obvious, I didn't sleep enough. Again. As usual.

The irony of the day was that I spoke about being a hostage.

A hostage of one's obsession and addiction. And how we should plot to study.

Like the very professional fake-friar I was preaching about something which I am so far from practising myself.

Allow me to defend myself. Let's just say that... It takes a person to experience it to be able to talk about it.

There is a lot of pressure being placed on our shoulders. Having to live up to the past good records of the twinning program students.

Not forgetting the very short term compared to A Levels to complete 6 law subjects. So much of cramming to do in so little time. So many of activities and societies to join while still attempting to be extremely hardworking and be prepared for every single class.

Not easy, not easy.

It's a totally different playground compared to A Levels.

Let's not talk about boring Uni stuff. We shall divert to my driving.

Once, there is one person who always say that I will be a very good driver one day.

And I really hope I shall be one... one day.

Yesterday was my first time driving home all the way from the very doorstep of college. It was ok only; it was way below my own standards.

One thing for sure was, I wasn't used to accelerating. I have been driving around my housing area only for the past 6 months. And the only reason I'm driving on the highway now at 110 kmph is because my dad is brave enough to sit in my car and allow me.

I found quite a number of sick people on the road. Like this lorry which drove at 50 kmph in the middle lane.

For the second day of uni life?

I'm having some doubts about myself. Most people will blame it from the trauma of not doing well in A Levels. But I think it has caused me to rethink about where I stand.

For a start, I find that I can only remember fragments of what I studied for A Levels. It's really bad.

And I have a little difficulty in articulating my words. I blame it on the constant atrocious English that I speak at home just to irritate my  mom and sis. I should get back to speaking proper English. Minus the chinky accent. Or the Pakistani accent [learnt that from my sis].

It appears that I shall have to shelve my interest in studying French for a while and start concentrating on getting my brains back to functioning status.

And learn how to have enough sleep.

I'll have to start mugging on paedophilic cases now. It's R v Brown and R v Wilson. Joy.

Btw, the weather forecast for the entire week is heavy showers. Such bliss. No, sense the sarcasm and disdain.

Morbid Bird's Thin Tune

I am feeling rather morbid these days.

[I'm sorry, I know that I am not supposed to type any more emo posts in this blog after the other blog was forced to shut down but I just can't help it. Please do not feel offended because there are elements of spirituality here. If you do not want to read it, it's ok.]

I just don't have any drive to study or to do anything but rot with my music and my thoughts.

Call me complacent. But I really do not have any drive to study at all.

My mom's nagging. My dad's putting pressure by asking how I am progressing. My sis chases me away everytime I wanna talk to her.

Somehow, I feel isolated. As if the people that I know only talk to my brains rather than me. [No offense. I am not referring to anyone in particular. And please, don't feel paranoid that you are that person. This is just a random feeling. - and NO, I am not PMS-ing]

I am having this paranoid feeling that when A Levels ends, that's it. I will be alone in this world again apart from my family and my childhood/school friends.

Sometimes, I feel like reaching out to friends who are in need. But the gates are usually shut tight and I just do not know how to open it.

I am being reminded every single sodding day that there is some kind of disaster out there in the world; as if indicating that the world is coming to an end.

In my dream, I saw a smaller mini-me version of me. But that version was small, vicious with a face as pale as snow; cocking me a crooked grin with a slanted head-position. It was truly ugly. It looks like it is demonised.

My mom tells me that I need to get my spiritual life right. The truth is, my spiritual life is rather cold these days. I am no longer that little girl who was so on-fire anymore. Somehow, I don't quite feel God in my life as much as I do when I was younger. Yes, I am aware that without Him, I might probably be dead when the speeding bus once missed me by a foot after I leaped and when the snatch-thief was in action at the lonely alley.

I used to feel Him all around me and see how He make my life a miracle. Everyday was a miracle. I was driven, I was good in what I did. I was on top of the food chain.

I feel all alone now. I strife to get connected to Him once again. But somehow, the more I try, the more I realise how much I have neglected Him. And unfortunately, I do not have time to atone for that now with A Levels breathing down my neck every second of the day. The only time when I feel connected is when I start singing. It felt really great. But I can't do it all day. I have to study.

Dear God, from the bottom of my heart, I know that I am very far away. It feels like the fear of having a wall in between which blocks me from You has become a reality. And just like in the game The Sims 2, that's when my aspiration goes tolling to a red negative number. But I pray that You will be the ever-patient waiting Dad to wait for me to get back. Do not forsake me and pass me by when I am already in this pit of depression. The truth is, I just do not know how to get back. I am far too materialistic and complacent to give up things now. Wait for me while I sort this out?

I am always tired these days. The prom table is quite a hassle. One minute, we have an over flow, solved with an extra table, then we didn't have enough people and the nagging fear of having to pay for the vacant four seats, and now, the table is overflowing with four extra people again. It was forcibly sorted out.

The only great thing which happened to me lately is David Cook and Leona Lewis. Cook's songs and singing really gives hope to me that the music world is not only made up of disastrous songs and wannabe singers. Leona Lewis [I didn't know that she is the winner of X-Factor]; apart from her song Bleeding Love which makes my ears bleed, I love her song Footprints in the Sand. I love her songs. Soulful with awesome vocals. But I can't stand a few of her R&B songs.

I was really paranoid that Cook won't win due to Cowell's comments. I thought he was rather good. But in the end, thank goodness America came to their senses and voted the better performer, Cook rather than the almost-lullaby Archuletta. Archie has an awesome voice, I admit it, but he just does not have that little extra to make his singing appealing and entertaining. His cover for "Imagine" by John Lennon was good; but not as good as Cook's covers for Lionel Richie's "Hello", Roberta Flack's "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", The Beatles' "Eleanor Rigby". Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" wasn't bad. Leona Lewis' cover for Roberta Flack's is awesome as well.

My mom has finally consented to let me go for prom and do the Reading Law program with the option of NUS if I still absolutely wanna go. That, has in a way made me slightly more complacent; but do I really wanna do Law for the rest of my life??

I love what I do in Law. I love the analysing, the arguing, and the ecstatic feeling when I have given a good argument.

But at the back of my head nagging is a Degree in Music. My mom and sis has been trying all this while to encourage me to do Music but I declined it. I love Music; but the question is do I really have what it takes to be a good musician?? I definitely do not want to be a pathetic "just another piano teacher" unfortunately. I want something better. Probably be a song composer in the US [my mom will kill me because she'll miss me like crazy] or be an orchestra player. Or probably be involved in mainstream music industry.

But I have one problem. I can express music in my head and in singing but I can't express it outwardly in playing.

And I only got my pitching back lately. Not nearly as perfect as before but better.

I'm just really paranoid now. I should stop thinking.

There's this gathering in my house now anyway. Need to be the gracious host's daughter.

~Ta

Law & Madness

I have not realised how heavy Law is until I reached Remedies in Contract. Not forgetting Mistake.

And Elliott & Quinn's book is seriously irritating me.

Please do take note on mistakes in page 158 under the Unfair Terms in Consumer Contracts Regulations 1999 where it states that this Regulation takes into account of succession, family law and incorporated and organisation of companies.

The Regulation does NOT cover such contracts. [Because neither of them have anything to do with consumers and the Regulation shouts out CONSUMERS.]

The notes in the lecture slides are the ones which is right.

Which means Elliott & Quinn is not exactly accurate for Contract and I find that in Tort Law, they seem to become rather emotional after a while especially when they are arguing about some decision which is rather harsh.

Then again, Elliott & Quinn is just to help a person understand the outlines of the law.

Conversely, it is confusing me.

To my surprise, I find that Tort is much easier to absorb compared to the dead boring Contract which has 101 guidelines and exceptions and not forgetting, contrasting precedents which needs to be distinguished.

And arguing for A2 is so not easy. It is not like English Legal Systems where you partially vomit and then you justify whether the current law is just or not.

Can I be a dropout??

I'm considering it.

The Ebrary on the other hand is very unfriendly.

I can only print one document and after that all succeeding documents will be lagging until all of your skin sag with anger and they will finally give you a very cheerful pop out which says:

"Sorry. The Document is unable to load."

Urgh.

SO much to read, so little time.

I should have taken Christine Yap's combination of subjects but I'll do Maths, Literature and Law.

Then I don't have to worry so much about having to read Economics and I don't have to lay eyes on that despicable subject ever again.

I am tired, fatigued and stressed out.

Freak out sometimes during the night when there is an overdose of adrenaline and hence, I'll be up until the wee hours of the morning.

And that's when my beautiful eyebags will come out.

Such sandbags to carry.

I am so stressed out that I do not know the time.

And I am denied of having to celebrate with beer. I had orange juice instead.

You see?? Examinations suck the life out of you.

I am HUNGRY!!!

On a food binge due to depression and after that, I'll be even more depressed and go into starvation.

I need $$$ too.

I'm sorry but this is a post of Randomity with a lot of random thoughts and peeves.

Speaking about Rotting

Well, it takes about 3 days for a body to decompose. And I will say that is pretty fast.

But not as fast as some computers in college.

Well, I'll say that the Taylor's computer in the computer room in the library can practically give you time to grow a beard [whether you are male or female] and probably turn your entire head white just like Lear in Akiro Kurosawa's version in Ran.

Not forgetting that the room turns into a sauna after a while.

Gosh, this computer is so peevish.

I'm trying to look for the call number for past year papers but I can't seem to do anything because this computer works at the speed of grass growing in the desert.

p/s: I thought Akiro Kurosawa's version of Ran was rather awesome.

I was really heartbroken when Saburo died. It's so quick, serene and almost divine.

Speaking about bimboism, I think I'm catching the fever from Cindy and my sister is rubbing off on me.

Not forgetting my mom.

My mom was the sweetest mom yesterday. She was so so nice.

Because I reminded her that it was Mother's Day.

She was totally blur when I wished her and gave her a hug in the morning.

This short little "break" from studying contract is doing me some good afterall.

At least I am concentrating more than when I was staring at the sodding "Innominate Terms" and Hong Kong Fir Shipping Co Ltd v Kawasaki Ltd.

Swiche joye and blis is sturdyinge.

I Can't Wait

I just can't wait for this moot to be over.

Something is weird. I have this very peaceful feeling over me now.

I'm not pressured, not stressed out, not freaked out about the moot.

Maybe it's because I'm just really numb about it.

I shall do my best tomorrow.

I'm going to go up there, speak with full confidence, and give the best show of all time by Miss Debble.

Oh, and I finally got my English and vocabulary back on track.

Just the slightest provocation from my sissy. Hmm.

How I wish I can have her language sometimes. She's so bloody good.

I can't wait for A Levels to end.

Imagine, trials is in a month's time.

And after that, madness for 2 months.

And it's the Finals.

I just want it all to go away.

And I can't wait for 25th of June where I can run away from everything.

I'll be flying off to UK on this day.

So let's just hope that the prom night for A Levels will be before this day.

Or else I won't be going.

Oh, and I won't be there to receive my results.

I'll be in UK until 24th of August.

I'm just so excited to start touring the entire Europe continent and just put all this A Levels shit behind me.

I just can't wait.

Right now, patience is all that I have to master.